Biden comforts Bernie as Bernie loses Michigan and other crucial states

After an embarrassing loss to Biden, the Sanders camp elected not to give a speech as they prepared to head home to Vermont. Sanders sat in the corner of the room with his head down unable to comprehend how his revolution faded out. Joe Biden, who earlier was doing victory laps outside Bernie’s headquarters, showed up and consoled his Democratic opponent.

Spectators at Bernie’s headquarters witnessed Biden’s embrace of Sanders. Biden’s cuddle of Sanders shocked him as he wasn’t prepared for the snuggle. Sanders pushed Biden away lightly, shook hands then ran away in tears. The press then circled around Biden and asked what was whispered into Bernie’s ears.

“Well, I wanted to say what a dog-faced pony soldier Senator Sanders was.  He was not an easy opponent. But let me be clear, when I square off against Trump, I’m going to pound that dew-droppin’ britch soiler out of the White House.” Biden gave a thumbs up and started to leave the headquarters. Before he walked out, he was asked if there’s anything nice he can say about Bernie.

“He uses Envy by Gucci.”